14

12/30/2025

I had my seventh dream about C the other night or so ago. Right when it's almost the new year and we both began talking within the first few days of January.

This is so ridiculous, but I still feel immensely sad. Maybe I've pedestalized him far too much, but I truly don't think I can find another him. Even with his inconsistency, we meshed too well together. But it's always embarrassing when things like this happen because I'm always the one who likes the other person more than they like me.

____

I woke up two hours ago to blood in my mouth and my sinuses. I don't think it was anything serious; I woke up on my stomach with my head turned to the side, so I guess it was just pressure and/or blood pooling while I was in that position for however long it was. It's 5:40 am EST as of making this page and I want coffee, but don't know if that'll be a good idea.

Christmas and Thanksgiving weren't too grand, but at least you get presents on Christmas. I got a drawing tablet, a football hoodie (I don't even like sports but it's more of an association with where my mom's family lives), a book about Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka, and some other things that aren't super noteworthy to put here. In the days and week (weeks?) leading up to Christmas, I spent over $100 on a box of soaps with essential oils in them and a cheap but waterproof digital camera.