2

8/27/2026
I'm really depressed lately. I don't eat, I don't drink, I don't sleep. The only reason I stay in my room 24/7 is because I want to avoid my family, not necessarily because of my health issues, but I'm so lethargic that it almost feels like my body is magnetized to my bed. Yes, it feels like there's a gravitational pull between my body and the bed that forces me to stay down in it. I'm not sure if I've ever felt this kind of sensation before. I don't think it's just related to me becoming sick a few years ago. I cry in my bed over and over during the weeks, typically at night. My therapist knows something's going on.
I feel like I am an island now. Everyone I know is in some sort of good position in their life. Many of them are in relationships. I'm taking very small steps to improve my life, although there's more of an urgency and not just impatience. Although the urgency part is understandable, given... I hate having to fight for myself and not having anyone to help save me from it. Especially when I almost had someone who potentially could.
Everything feels dreamlike. In a haze. Time feels like it's going too fast yet too slow; at the same time, I'm desperate to catch up. The sentiments of, "life isn't a race" and "people do things on their own time" don't help at all. I should have been more and done more by now. Why can't I be ahead? It hurts too much. ← →