It's not necessarily the fact that I don't have you anymore, it's the fact that someone else will ultimately end up with you. It hurts knowing now that you never really cared for me when I did—far too much. At the same time, I dread the real possibility that I can never meet someone else who can replicate you and the "interests" and chemistry we had.
A week ago I realized that I want a protector. Someone who checks every box you did, but consistent and trustworthy. I'm on my own now. And I'm wishing that I had someone who would look after me like you said you would had we met.
I really wished that somehow I would have been your missing rib. I suppose now I'll be someone else's. I wish I knew who, where, and when they'll come along.
5/13/2026
I don't think about you anymore, but I don't think about you any less.
5/25/2026
I cry frequently.
05/29/2026
This is thankfully a much lighter entry!
I've been feeling a lot of nostalgia for mid to late 2010s internet. Also the early 2010s internet, but I've been reminded lately of ARGs like sexygirlmax2019, Meatsleep, Kurat963 (though that didn't seem to go anywhere); I've also participated in a few as a teenager, but on the investigative side. I wish that we had more genuine creativity like that on the internet now, and the ability to collaborate fairly. I miss solving mysteries while also engaging in camaraderie with fellow investigators; I really hope that this makes a comeback. I know it's such a dorky thing to be nostalgic for the earlier days of the internet, even if things had improved somewhat down the line, but it was really so nice to experience.
At least this is "happier" nostalgia.
Also, despite the fact that I'm afraid of aging and that I've already had a taste of earlier internet to an extent... is it weird that I wish I was a younger millennial when I was born in 2001? I don't think it helps that I connect a lot with mid-90s people...
